Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Embarrassing moment #3612

Reposted blog entry from Feb 8, 2010

When I see tourists taking pictures of each other, I like to offer to take a picture for them so they can both get in the shot. I've never had anyone turn me down and so far this has been a positive experience. Today, however, it was not.

We were visiting the Dole Pineapple Plantation with my sister-in-law and an older Japanese couple was taking turns posing in front of the pineapple plants. I offered to get a shot of the two of them and they were very pleased. The wife handed over the camera and went to stand by her husband. The problem was she hadn't taken the strap off of her hand. So when she moved toward her husband the camera pulled out of my hand, fell off hers, and smashed to the ground. I quickly picked it up and put the battery pack back in. While closing the battery compartment, I see the big chunk missing out of the battery flap. Oh, no... I handed it over feeling horrible. The sweet couple turn the camera on, hand it back to me and pose again. Nothin' doin'. I can't read it cause its in Japanese, but the picture says it all. The camera will not work because it thinks the battery compartment is still open. I tried to fidget with it to get it to recognize that it was in fact closed, but it wouldn't. They tried turning it off and on and handing it back to me, but no such luck. The camera just kept swearing at me in Japanese. At least that is what it looked like to me. I feel even worse than horrible now.

I had to leave with them staring blankly at the camera screen and all I can think to myself is that I just ruined someone's Hawaiian vacation. I was just trying to be nice but from now on I'll pretend to look right through the tourist like everyone else. Maybe even learn a few Japanese swear words to use while pointing at the camera if anyone does ever dare to ask.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Embarrassing moment #4032, 4033, 4034, 4035...

We're late. It's not that it's so unusual for us to be late, it's just that today it was important to be on time. I signed up to chaperone a field trip to the pumpkin patch for my daughter's first grade class today and the teacher made a point of reminding everyone to please be on time.

Today is also the day my fourth grader has a big project due and he has not quite completed it. He probably would have had enough time to finish it this morning if he hadn't spent a half hour standing at the bathroom counter reading a book when he was supposed to be taking a bath, but that's a story for another time.

We pull up to the school at 5 after. Okay, we're late, but not too late. I know they haven't left without us because I see the empty bus pulling up behind us. Good. I have time while they load. I send the two little ones ahead to their classes, but the oldest is having a meltdown because of the unfinished project and I have to talk to his teacher real quick to see what we can work out.

Crisis contained; now back out to get on the bus. I round the corner to the exit just as I hear the bus engine start. No! I dash out of the building. Not quick enough though, because the bus is already in motion. I know they have to slow down to make the turn out of the drive so I sprint after the bus waving my hands like crazy woman hoping the driver might see me in the rear view mirror, or someone else on the bus will see me and let the driver know.

No one on the bus sees me and the bus turns out of the drive. One last attempt though, because I'm close, so close. "Hey!! Hey!!!" I'm yelling now while running and waving. As if that weren't embarrassing enough, this would be a good point to mention that I am also dodging the various other cars that are coming and going from the school. I'm pretty sure a few of them had to tap their brake so as not to hit me. So while the bus and its occupants are oblivious to the scene I am creating, I do have the full attention of everyone else in the drive/parking lot.

Which is when it happened. It happened in hyper-speed and slow-motion at the same time. In my frantic state of yelling, waving and running, I remembered too late that there is a small white rope that runs between the cones I have just passed through. What I mean is that, as the rope hit my thighs and the first cone tumbled to the ground, my brain starts saying, "Wait, what? Ooohhh..." Unfortunately my body is still in motion and so is the rope that is now tangled around my waist and legs. The rest of the cones are now in motion too, but the cars... well, the cars are not. They have come to a complete stop all around me, just watching me while I flail around trying desperately not to fall on my face.

And there went the bus.

I wish this was the end of my story.

But insult must be added to injury.

I manage to free myself and turn to start picking up the cones when an SUV inches towards me and rolls down the window.  "They're going to get gas," the driver says calmly, but I think she looked a little nervous. I notice she has two other mothers in the car with her. "Are you headed to the pumpkin patch, too?" I hope out loud. "You want a ride to the gas station?" she offers. "Oh, please!" I practically beg, but I walk around to the rear passenger side with my head held high pretending that I am not completely mortified at the spectacle I have just made of myself.

I take a deep breath and open the door to find the only remaining seat is occupied by the base of a baby carrier. I unlatch the lap belt and yank, nearly falling backwards because, as it turns out, the base is also secured by tethers at the very bottom.  The two passengers stifle a giggle but I can see the driver looking anxiously toward the bus disappearing down the road.  There is also a line of cars building up behind us. Cars that have witnessed my shame and know full well that they are waiting on me.  I fumble with the straps a little before I realize it's just not going to happen, so I give up, climb in, and sit awkwardly on top of the base.

Silently I pray that they won't.  But they do.  They offer me comfort. "Don't feel bad," they say, "Jane here, is always chasing after buses."  "Not quite like that," Jane corrects quickly, "but I've had to drive behind a bus or two."  I force a gracious smile and think to myself, What I wouldn't give to undo it all, and just drive behind the bus.

Can you see the rope?
Car Seat Base

Embarrassing Moments #3462, #3520, 3521, & 3522:

Reposted blog entry from Dec 11, 2009

Embarrassing moment #3462:

I took the kids bowling. Wish I had my camera. Daniel's pretty good. Got a few spares and even a strike without any helps. Asha used the tripod ramp and thought she needed a running start to push the ball. She was so excited she kept forgetting to watch her pins fall down. Ethan was all about the balls. "Ba. Ba!" Kept picking them up and chasing them all around the floor. He was just tall enough to push the ball down the tripod ramp and managed to get a spare. I wish I had my camera. It was so cute!! Then he decided to run down the lane after the ball. I caught him just in time, then...whoa!!!! Down I goooo.... Not just on my tush -All the way flat. Knocked Ethan on his head and one of the gutters down too. Every other player staring at me...On second thought, I'm kinda glad there were no cameras around.

Another reposted blog entry from Dec 24, 2009

Embarrassing moment #3520, 3521, & 3522:

So its Christmas Eve and we finally made it out of the house to get a Christmas tree. Got a crazy cheap deal on it. Go figure!

We got it in the cart and began making our way to the car from the Navy Exchange. I've got Ethan in the umbrella stroller and he's kinda grumpy from a cold so I'm giggling him back and forth to try and keep him happy when...CRASH~ I tip him over onto his head! ACK!

Okay, that could have been enough embarrassment but as I snatch him up in lighting speed and give him the once over for blood, I hear insanely loud laughter from a few yards away. I don't mean a snicker, or even a hearty chuckle. I mean a full blown, make everyone who wasn't already looking turn around to gawk at me, belly laugh. Yes, Sir. I do already know that I am a moron. Was the public ridicule really necessary?

Now all I really want to do is teleport back to the car, but alas, I do not yet possess this technology. So I walk as fast as I can, which means stepping off the curb and not walking around to the ramp. I did manage to get the stroller down without incident, but don't forget we've got the tree in the cart. When the first set of wheels hit the pavement...so did the tree. Up out of the cart and into the middle of the road. The very same road that I wished would open up and swallow me whole.

I guess by this time the man felt bad for us though, because he restrained himself to something akin to a giggle on his way past us. Gotta love helpful people. Especially the ones who help rub salt into your wounds.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Happiness is having a friend...

...who drives miles and hours with five young kids in the car to come visit you.
...who doesn't mind that you didn't fix your hair or put on make up.
...who goes to the grocery store with you because you seem incapable of going on your own.
...whose children you actually like.
...whose children get along with yours.
...who thinks you are a good mother because you let your kids get dirty.
...who will let hers get dirty right along with yours.
...with whom conversation comes easy.
...who stays up till all hours of the night talking with you about anything, everything, and nothing.
...who knows your imperfections and still likes you.
...whom you like and respect as a person and a mother.

Happiness is having a friend like Liz.