Saturday, May 24, 2014

No laughing matter!

I know it seems like it should be easy not to laugh at your kid when they are upset, but it isn't always.  Sometimes it is really hard.

My shy child was in Math Olympiads one year.  He really loved it, but a few weeks into the program he came home crying.
"I can't be in Math Olympiads anymore."
What?  Why?  I finally coaxed the following explanation from him...
"I farted in class and everyone laughed."
Oh, honey... No one will even remember by next week.
(Insert story about a parent's embarrassing public fart to make him feel better.)
"But the teacher told me if I farted again, I couldn't come back."
Okay, no way is that the whole story...  Tell me 'exactly' what happened.
"I accidentally farted in class and it was really loud and everyone couldn't stop laughing.  The teacher was trying to get everyone to pay attention again, so she told me that if I had to fart again, I had to leave."
Honey, I think the teacher (who had a heavy French accent) was trying to say, If you need to fart again, step out of the classroom for a moment so as not to cause a disruption.  And then come back in.

I really felt bad that he was so upset, so I really tried hard not to laugh.
But it was REALLY hard.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Spring Fling

Of all the holidays, Easter is the one that I have the most fun with.  We take our kids to a community egg hunt or two where it is a free for all.  Plastic eggs filled with sweets are just lying on the ground.  When they get the signal, the kids run around grabbing as many eggs as they can before another kid does.  There are tons of kids at these events, getting tons of candy and tons of happy.

Then we have an egg hunt at home that is just for our family.  We hide our eggs and vary the difficulty by age.  Each kid has two colors assigned to them and they can only collect eggs with their colors.  Each kid also has the same number of eggs to hunt so all is fair and square.  …except for the golden egg with cold hard cash in it.  There is only one of those, and finders keepers.

Since the kids have already gotten more sugar than I would ever wish for them to have at the free hunts, our family hunt is a sugar-free event.  Instead of sweets, I fill the eggs with little toys and trinkets I have picked especially for them.  I enjoy the challenge of shopping for fun things to put in their eggs.  I try to be as creative as possible for as cheap as possible.

Last year while shopping, I spotted some ceramic eggs.  They were pots that were pre-packaged with dirt and seeds, just add water.  Oooh, they were so cute!  And I was so tempted!  But $3 per egg filling is my limit and these were $5 and change.  It gave me the idea to use seed packets as an egg-filler though.  Those are under $1.  I picked out the perfect one for each kid; cucumber seeds for Ethan, sugar snap pea seeds for Daniel and wild flower seeds for Asha.

As expected, the kids were super excited when they found seed packets in one of their eggs.  They wanted to plant them immediately.  I told them to wait and finish up what we were doing and then we would head out to the back yard to plant them.

Asha did not hear this because she had already ripped open her packet and, in a flash, was twirling around in the middle of our front yard, squealing with delight, as she flung the seeds across our lawn.  I looked at her in stunned silence, my mouth agape, as she excitedly asked, "When do you think they'll bloom?"

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The Persuit of Perfection

If I'm honest about it, New Year's Day is always hard for me.
I've never been able to make New Year's resolutions because I am a perfectionist.  I don't hold others to an impossible standard, but in myself, I have trouble not seeing anything less than perfection as failure.  I don't make resolutions because you don't set a goal to be so-so, and I already know that I could never live up to any goal I would set, so why set myself up for failure?  Add to this the fact that taking stock of where I could improve is in essence taking stock of where I have failed.  Ouch.

I don't know that I will ever make resolutions, but this year I have decided to make a few goals.  I have decided to set them while keeping this quote in mind:
You have not failed until you quit trying. ~Gordon B. Hinckley

Because you can never be perfect, but you are never closer to perfect than when you are trying.

Happy New Year 2014!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

I would be a much better parent if... weren't for my children.

It is much easier to know how other parents should parent. And it was much easier to imagine how I would parent before I had my children.  Before having children, it was easy to imagine the perfect scenario: This is what I will do, and consequently, this is what they will do. And then I actually had children. As it turns out, you may or may not do what you imagined based on what you and your children are actually capable of doing. You are busier than in your perfect scenario. You are way more tired than in your plan, your kids more active and less compliant than the ones you parented in your head. And consequently, they may or may not do what you imagined either.

There is a LOT of parenting advice out there; books, articles, seminars. I have found that people are very fond of giving unsolicited parenting advice too. But often the advice they give uses their family as a base line, and doesn't leave room for variation. This can make the person receiving the advice feel like they are doing something wrong if their experience doesn't measure up. Or make them feel superior if they think their experience is better. But let me suggest that maybe it's not better...or worse. Just different.

In general, people are all the same. But individually, they are all... well... individual. And individuals are what make up a family. And that makes each family individual as well. There are parents (mom and/or dad) who have different personalities, capabilities, responsibilities, etc. Then there are kids with different personalities, capabilities, activity levels, etc. Consider how the combination of all those different qualities makes each family unique, or... individual.

My brother's daughter was one who would announce that she was tired, go to her bed and sleep. My daughter views going to sleep as just shy of torture. The more tired she is, the more tortured she feels when I tell her it's bedtime and a 'take-no-prisoners' bedtime battle ensues. Both of our daughters go to sleep, but how they get there is a very different experience. So if my brother were to give me advice on bedtime based on his family make up, I would fall short of living up to his experience. He obviously does a better job than me, right? Sure, I could improve my daughter's bedtime experience. But there is nothing I could do to change her into a person who says "I'm tired so I'm going to put myself to bed." instead of one who says "I shall never surrender!"  In this case, it is not the parenting skill that is the difference, but the personality of the child that is.

I'd like to give some unsolicited parenting advice here. My parenting advice is this: Take it all! Listen to all the parenting advice... and then sort it out. Is there anything in that advice that you can apply to improve your parenting?  Use it! Then set aside anything that does not apply to your family and leave it for the family that it does apply to. Don't let it make you feel superior if your parenting surpasses it. You may have more capabilities and/or easier children. On the flip side, do not let it sit on your shoulders as guilt, thinking that your parenting does not measure up. You can only do what you can do. So if you can do better, do it! If you can't do better, then you may already be doing your best parenting. Your kids are blessed to have a parent who is doing their best. Just let parenting advice be what it is. Advice.

Monday, May 20, 2013

I do see you.

My daughter earned a dollar the other day.
She was very excited to go to Walmart with me to see what it would buy.

It bought...
a notepad and pen set.

After we got home, she wrote as many notes as she could think to write,
and then tore them all off and put them in here.

Once or twice a day she brings it to me and tells me to
close my eyes and pick one.

This is what I have picked so far...

The last one is by far my favorite.

I do see you too, honey...
and I love what I see.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Pennies for Peace

Taking my three VERY energetic children to Wal-Mart (or any mart for that matter) is a challenge.  By the end of this challenge, I am always ready to throw in the towel.  I have already been through all the challenge hurdles:

Please stop climbing on the cart.
No, I will not buy that for you.
Please put that back.
Please stop running.
Please don't touch that.
Stay on this isle so that I can see you.
I cannot push with you hanging on the cart.
Please come back over here, you are in that person's way.

Multiply that by three kids, then multiply again by every minute we are in the mart, and by the time I reach the checkout lane I am done.  D-O-N-E.

Except I'm not.  I'm not done.  I still have to check out.  I still have to unload the cart onto the conveyer belt, swipe the card, push yes, then no, sign on the line, and get all the sacks into the cart while simultaneously telling each of the three kids:

Please stop climbing on the cart.
No, I will not buy you gum.
I will not buy you toys either.
Please get off that.  You will break it and/or get hurt.
Please stop hooking and unhooking the belt that closes the lane.
The cart will tip over if you hang on it while it's empty.
Please stop twirling the sack turn-table.
Please come back over here, you are in that person's way.

I'm not calling my kids straw or me a camel, but it's enough to threaten what little is left of my patience and tip me over the edge.  In those last few moments when the finish line is so close and I feel closer and closer to the end (the end of my sanity that is), I dig out every penny that I can find in my purse and buy myself just enough time to make it.

I hand over the fistful of pennies to my oldest and send all three kids a few steps away to support the Children's Miracle Network.  Their focus on this kind deed is very short lived (depending on how many pennies I had), but it is just enough time for me to cross the finish line in peace.

Pennies may not buy much these days, but they buy enough for me.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Kidipedia Addendum 1

Addendum 1 to Kidipedia

Kidipedia   noun   kid·i·pe·dia
: a reference listing alphabetically the words and phrases of one language (the one my children speak) and showing their meanings or translations in another language (English).

bemember   verb   be·mem·ber
: to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory    [I bemember when we lived in Korea.]

fighter-fighter   noun   fight·er·fight·er
: one who fights fires

karating   verb   ka·ra·ting
: to make quick or repeated hand strikes and kicks as if employing the Japanese art of self-defense

keyweed   noun   key·weed
: the edible fruit of a Chinese vine having a fuzzy brown skin and slightly tart green flesh

leprecan   noun   lep·re·can
: the smooth thin-shelled nut of the pecan tree   [Look how many leprecans fell from our tree!]

literal   adjective   lit·er·al
: of a size that is less than   [Yours is literal than mine.]

saustrage   noun   saus·trage
: a very large bird that runs very quickly but cannot fly   [Can we go see the saustrages at the zoo?]

tomorning   noun   to·morn·ing
: the time from sunrise to noon of the day after today   [I want donuts for breakfast tomorning!]

worldworm   noun   world·worm
: a long slender worm that lives in damp earth